Note to Self

Sweetest

Oh hey there.

Sometimes I feel like I don’t know you anymore.

You catch me off guard at times. Some morning I can’t help but ask, “Who is that strange lady staring back at me in the mirror? Dark circles. Frizzy hair with day-old braids. Is that spit-up or toothpaste on her pajama top? Or both?”

She seems so foreign. A stranger.

So much has changed over the last seven months. In truth, the change has happened steadily for well over a year. Funny how growing a human can do that.

I know that I am not always the most mindful or appreciative of you. In fact, often times I get caught up in the day-to-day and forget to thank you for all the amazing things you do.

It’s so easy to focus on:

The way pre-bump tops don’t fit quite like they used to . . . I never imagined v-necks could look so revealing!! *Horrified yelp* So this is why so many women are desperately seeking a good running bra! *Covers eyes*

Or . . .

Two words: *Whispers* Mom pooch . . . I swear this stomach used to be flat. No really. There was a 12 pack there. Okay, that’s a lie. But it was flatish. I promise. Wanna see pictures?

Or . . .

The seemingly permanent dark under-eye circles. Nope, not rocking a new grungy, smeared eyeliner look. And it’s not day-old makeup either. Should I say it is?

Or . . .

These jiggly, wiggly, loosey-goosey joints. Snap! Crackle! Pop! has become like a private symphony. Standing up from playing on the floor with little man? Snap! Crackle! Pop! Bending over to pick up the toy baby J has thrown 297 times in 30 seconds? Snap! Crackle! Pop! It certainly makes running a whole new experience.

Or . . .

The hundred other small changes this new—used?—mom body is shouting from the rooftops . . .

But I want you to know that I do see beyond all the newness. And differences and all, I still love the skin I’m in. Change can be scary, but isn’t staying the same scarier? Who wants to be stagnant? Not I! I am not an amoeba-growing pond of sludge.

And you wanna know something? You’ve actually opened my eyes to some truly amazing stuff!

Like . . .

The miracle of life! Duh. Sure, I knew growing a tiny human was incredible . . . But it’s so different to experience it first hand. To be honest, I’d always been wary about pregnancy. Call it an aversion even . . . I just didn’t believe it could really be all that. I mean, women have been bearers of life since, well the beginning of mankind, right? How unique could my pregnancy be? I mean, really . . . But oh boy was I wrong! Looking back, I am so, so happy I savored each moment and every change.

And the biggest shift has come from deep within. You have taught me to be worlds more gentle with myself. No really. I know it may not always feel that way. I can still be more critical than I’d like to admit. Still, I now know the importance of taking care of myself, so that I can take care of my little man. Sure, I still don’t rest, eat, or practice self-care as much as I should most days, but I’m learning my limits. I know when I can push myself a little further, spread myself a teensy bit thiner, and when it’s best to throw in the towel. Before I have a complete mental physical emotional break.

More than anything, I want to give you a huge thumbs up. A pat on the back. To say, “You’re doing great!” Maybe even gift you a hang in there, baby cat poster. You know the one. And shower you with loads of other uber cheesy and embarrassingly cliché affirmations.

You’re not perfect. No one ever is. But you’re giving it your best, and that’s what counts.

L o v e,

Y

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s